Bucky x Reader: Where it Begins

Bucky x Reader: Where it Begins  

(F/n) breathed heavily as her muscles screamed in protest. The woman’s body glistened with fresh sweat as she pushed her physical limits and closed her (e/c) eyes in concentration. She counted slowly in her mind, forcing her arms to raise as each individual number resounded in her thoughts.

One. . .  Lift, hold, and drop.

Two. . . Rinse and repeat.

Three. . .

The woman felt like her arms were going to fall off, but she forced herself to continue. If she could just reach ten she could call it day. Just seven more and she’d be able to breathe properly again. With a gasp, she raised her arms again and felt like her muscles were burning clear down to the bone. She’d been at it for nearly four hours. It was time to stop . . . but no. She was so close to reaching her goal.

Four. . . She fought to focus on anything other than her fluttering pulse and dead limbs. She gritted her teeth and marched onward.

Five. . . Six! Ohhhh! Son of a b-

“I sure hope you have a good reason for killing yourself, Shade.” At the unexpected voice, (F/n) immediately lost her focus, opened her eyes, and proceeded to drop the 50 pound weights to the floor. She squeaked unbecomingly as they barely missed her toes, and jumped out of the way as they skidded a foot away.

With wide eyes, (F/n) looked up to see Fury standing near the doorway of the gym. She couldn’t say how long he’d been standing there, or what he had seen, but her cheeks instantly flushed red with embarrassment.

“What?” she asked after a moment of recovery.

He sighed, annoyed with her obvious lack of attention. “I said, you better have a good excuse for killing yourself off, Shade! I told you to rest your butt up after missions, not try to lift more than you weigh and become useless.”

For a minute, she didn’t know what to say. Frankly, her reason for hitting the gym had been in hopes of not being useless.

It had been four months since (F/n) had joined the Avengers. It wasn’t a terribly long time in the scheme of things, but for a team that relied so much on trust and superhero antics, four months was a lifetime for someone left out of the loop. It was true, that the Avengers’ mistrust towards her was justified, seeing as before (F/n) had been forced to join the team, she’d been a thief and hacker. She’d been in debt with the mob, and had been working as a Boss’s personal technician for almost five years. She hadn’t been proud of her work, or what she’d been asked to do, but it had been her lot in life. . . Until she’d unknowingly hacked into an offsite S.H.I.E.L.D facility and landed on Fury’s useful radar. . . He hadn’t even known about her other gifts, before he’d had a swat team bring her in. At first she’d fought Fury’s wishes, but with his offer of freedom from the Mob, and a clean slate with the government, (F/n) had become a lesser member of the Avengers Initiative.

Now, four months in, (F/n) was absolutely miserable. Not only was the work grueling and life-threatening, but she had yet to find a place in the team.  The closest she’d come to any true camaraderie was the moment that Stark had christened her with a code name. . . Shady. A derogatory derivative of her old hacker moniker: RP Shade. It might have been nice, if it hadn’t turned into a mockery. Whenever someone said her nickname, it would end with Clint or Tony bursting out into choruses of The Real Slim Shady, that echoed through the Tower and S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. (F/n) wouldn’t have minded it, if she hadn’t seen the indifference and mistrust in their eyes. But she did.

The woman had done everything in her power to convince them she’d changed. She’d hit the gym to become stronger and a better fighter. She’d done nice things for each of the members individually. Hell, she’d even gotten them out of a couple of tight spots with her deeper skillset! But nothing had worked. (F/n) was still the outsider, and she was beginning to fear that she would remain so forever.

“The team already thinks I’m worthless,” she finally said to Fury, as she raised a hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead. “I don’t see how I could be worse than I apparently am already.”

“Oh cry me a river,” he snapped, clearly irritated.

(F/n) felt her heart begin to slow from her workout, though the anxious feeling had grown nearly unbearable. She had been wanting to speak with Fury about being reassigned all week, and now she had her chance. The woman made her face smooth, so her emotion wasn’t showing, before she spoke again.

“Director Fury, I have done my best to fit in and gain basic respect with them. I have done everything I can think of to make it go smoother, but nothing has worked. . . I think I’d be better suited to a desk job at HQ, than working with the Avengers. They don’t want or need me, sir.”

“That’s not for you to say, Shade,” came the firm reply. “I’d stick you at HQ, but my computer guys can’t just wiggle their fingers at a damn mainframe and make it spill all its secrets. I need you out in the field, making a difference. Your skills with technology, along with your natural super powers over electricity make you a key player. You are a part of the Avengers Initiative, (F/n). And that’s not up for discussion.”

(F/n) felt her stomach drop to her shoes. She had known that her pleas probably wouldn’t work, but it didn’t stop the disappointment from filling her up.

“The team doesn’t trust me, Fury,” she said. “And someday it’s going to get one or all of us killed.”

Fury regarded her unblinkingly with his good eye, boring into the woman so hard that she felt almost squeamish. The man was a shark in human form, prowling the waters just waiting to snap someone up and drag them in a downward spiral.

“Point taken, Shade. But you’re still needed in the field.”

She sighed dejectedly. “Yes, sir.”

For a moment more, Fury studied (F/n), before he snapped back into business mode. “I came to tell you I have your next mission lined up. Be ready for debriefing at 0600.”

(F/n) dipped her head in understanding, and watched as Fury stalked away, feeling her frustration grow. At this point, there was nothing more she could do. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it made her want to put her fist through the nearest wall. But she refrained somehow, and forced herself to pick up her discarded weights and continue with her workout.

It was almost 6:30 in the morning, and (F/n) was about to lose it. She’d never been a morning person, but with the lack of coffee and the incessant droning of Director Fury, the woman had almost reached the end of her rope.

She had been running behind that morning, and had arrived at the briefing several minutes late, which resulted in an empty coffee pot. . . If there had ever been a time she’d wanted to murder Stark, it was now. He’d filled up two full cups of the java, and was taking turns sipping from each one. (F/n) doubted that he’d done this to purposefully mess with her, but it still pissed her off all the same. Didn’t he care that there were other people in need of a cuppa joe?!

(F/n)’s hands were clenched on her lap, her fingers digging into her skin to keep her awake, while she fought to listen to Fury. What he was saying was important. . . but her brain was so groggy!

Just as she was about to slam her head onto the table in front of her, a strange object was slid silently in front of her. For a second, she was unable to grasp what had happened, but as her mind fought to focus her eyes widened. It was a coffee cup! And if the steam coming off of it was any indication, it was still somewhat full!

(F/n) glanced to her right, where the cup had come from, and felt curiosity creep up onto her face. Bucky Barnes, otherwise known as the Winter Soldier, sat to her right with a blank expression. His full attention was on Fury as their current missions were explained, and yet there was no one else who could have given her the coffee.

(F/n), not knowing what else to do, hesitantly reached over to tap him on the arm. Nothing but his eyes moved, but they regarded her clearly. She pointed to the cup before pointing to herself in question. At the minute nod he gave her, the woman’s face transformed into a large grin of relief. With a quickly mouthed ‘thank you’ she reverently took the Styrofoam cup in hand and began to chug the contents. It burned her tongue, but she didn’t care. It was glorious! . . . And surprisingly sweet. (F/n) never would have guessed the stoic Winter Soldier would have taken his coffee with sugar. . . but then again, she’d never thought he’d share his drink with her either.

As the meeting continued, (F/n) felt the grips of caffeine beginning to take hold, and found that she could finally participate. She asked several questions about what she was meant to do, and took mental notes when she was given the answers.  

The Avengers were being split up into five units, for five Hydra locations that all had to be hit simultaneously. The first two teams- Cap and Banner, Thor and Stark- would act as distractions. Blowing stuff up and making some noise. Meanwhile, teams three and four- Natasha, Clint, Wanda, and Vision- would do some active recon in the background. They were important to the task, but were more or less a second wave distraction for the Hydra forces.

(F/n) had been surprised by this.

“So what is the main mission then?”

All eyes had flashed between her and Fury. But it was lost on the woman as she fought to put it all together.

“The main mission is to crash their servers, Shade,” Fury explained. “Which is why we need the distractions. The Final team will quietly slip in and out to wipe out their tech.”

(F/n) gulped visibly. “So . . .  I’m in the final team?”

“That’s correct.” Fury gestured to her right. “You and Barnes here are going to destroy their servers by any means necessary, and then meet back up with the group. Any more questions?”

(F/n) looked over at her new team mate, worriedly, before she shook her head. “Uhh. . . No sir. . .  I’m good.”

As Fury ended the briefing, the Avengers dispersed to get ready for the mission. Though, no one left quicker than (F/n), which didn’t escape the notice of her silent teammate.

 

As soon as (F/n) had made it back to her room the tears had started to flow. They were unstoppable. It wasn’t from fear, so much as from the pressure of what was about to happen. She’d be able to take out the servers, no sweat. But going out into such a dangerous atmosphere with a team that didn’t have her back was a nightmare come true. If something happened, she would virtually be alone to deal with it. . . and despite her recent training, she was no fighter.

(F/n) rocked herself back and forth, in hopes of soothing her nerves, and would have laid down, if at that moment she hadn’t heard a knock on her door. She made no move to answer the door, but it was obvious that the person knocking had heard her crying. After a second more, the door swung open and the Winter Soldier quietly walked in. For a moment, he regarded the crying woman, before he surprised her and came to sit next to her on the bed.

In all the months that she’d been at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ, she’d never been this close to him, or even had a decent conversation. He was reserved, and she had been the newcomer. But now she found herself turning her full attention to the man. He was truly handsome- she’d thought as much since she’d first met him- but somehow he seemed even more attractive today. . . Perhaps it was the tranquil look behind his eyes, or his relaxed posture. Or it might have been the fact that he was so close to her. Whatever the case, he took her breath away.

After several drawn minutes of silence, he spoke. “You alright?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

Bucky dipped his head in acceptance. “At least you’re honest about it.”

She laughed without humor, as more tears streaked down her face. She fought to find something to say, and ultimately had no control over what came out next.

“You shared your coffee with me.”

“Mmmhm.”

“Why?”

“You’re big on the coffee. I thought you needed it more than I did.”

“How do you know I’m a big coffee drinker?”

He lifted a brow and shifted his long dark hair from his face. It was enough to make her begin to blush, though luckily she could pass it off as a side effect of her crying.

“You drink at least four cups a day. That suggests an affinity,” came the simple reply, with the slightest tinge of humor.

They fell quiet again, and (F/n) was able to reign in her tears. Soon, all that was left of her break down were red eyes and tear tracks.

“Are you worried about the mission?” Bucky asked as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

She shook her head. “No. . . Not really. The mission was just the last straw, really.”

He studied her, clearly waiting for her to go on. She didn’t really know Bucky that well, but she immediately decided to unload. She’d kept it to herself for so long, that she was finally ready to explode.

“Since I became a part of the Avengers, I have been excluded, belittled, and ignored. I understand the reasoning behind it. Though I never fought them personally, the information I hacked most likely made their lives harder. . . But I’ve changed, and they still won’t give me a chance! I know they’re not just going to magically love me, but I thought that after four months of helping, they’d have warmed up to the idea of me. . . But it’s the same as it ever was. . . They hate me, and they don’t have my back if something goes wrong.”

He was still for a moment, before he folded his arms before his chest. The tin of his metallic arm glinted in the light of the room, making it almost shine against the normal flesh of his other arm.

“You take too much stock in what others think, (F/n). You don’t have to prove yourself to them.”

“Don’t I?” He shook his head. “Then what do I do?”

“You prove it to yourself.” Her expression must have relayed her confusion, because he continued. “You have to learn to trust yourself, before others can. They can sense that. You doubt yourself. You blame yourself. Until you forgive yourself for the past and all you did, you will never be able to begin again.”

(F/n) knew she was staring at Bucky, but she couldn’t help it. It was the most she’d ever heard him talk, not to mention that it was rather profound.

“. . . How do you know all this?”

He gave her a small smile, which made butterflies arise in her stomach. “You’re not the only one who’s had to join the Avengers after playing the field on the other side. Give it time. Stop trying to prove yourself to the team, and start respecting the strides you’ve made. You’re living a different life now. You hack to save others. You aren’t who you were, and in time if you believe that, others will too.”

(F/n)’s eyes were slightly misty as she gave the Winter Soldier a water smile. “Really?”

He nodded his head, making his hair waft around his face. “Change begins with you.”

For a long moment, neither said anything, and (F/n) thought on what he had said. In truth, she hadn’t forgiven herself for the life she’d led. So perhaps there was truth to what he was saying. Whatever the case, she found herself grateful to him, for caring.

With a hesitant hand, (F/n) took Bucky’s metal one in her own. His deep eyes clearly showed his surprise at her action, as she rubbed her thumb against the metallic palm and gave him a sincere smile.

“Thank you, Bucky. . . You’ve made me feel better. For what that’s worth.”

“Good.”

(F/n) regarded his handsome face thoughtfully before she gulped down her anxiety and found herself asking, “Hey . . . would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?” As he stared at her, she began to backpedal. “We don’t have to! I just thought that perhaps after the mission, we could . . . ya know, get to know each other better. . . Since you’re kinda the only person who has my back and all.”

Bucky didn’t reply at first, but a small smile rose to his lips as his metal hand gently closed around hers.

“After the mission.”

To say that (F/n) was beaming would have been an understatement, as she thoughtlessly leaned over to peck his stubble-laced cheek. They were both blushing, but it didn’t stop her from happily promising, “This time coffee’s on me!”

 

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