Behind her Smile

Behind her Smile  

She sat, unmoving as the cold autumn wind rippled her short-cropped hair in a free rhythm and steady tears ran down the length of her face. For how long she had sat in silent contemplation, the young woman couldn’t say- but she made no attempt to remove herself from her perch either. She had become living and breathing stone with flesh and a heart, and she hated herself for it. In her quiet thoughts she thought of her current trouble and wished that she wasn’t so helpless. She wished beyond all hope that she could’ve done something to change what had happened. That she could fix what had been broken. . . But she couldn’t. And so she sat in the dark, with only her tears and heartbroken madness for company. . . Until she heard the almost still flutter of something beside her, where she sat against the curb of her parking lot slumped in a dejected heap.

With teary chocolate eyes the woman peered into the dusky night where cars drove by in a rush to return home, and at first saw no one. But as the hushed fluttering grew closer, she knew what it was without the aid of her vision.

After another moment, the thing that had created the noise gently landed next to her and the young woman looked down at it sorrowfully. The Barn Owl (the creature who had just taken the place beside the human) stared at the crying woman with wide unblinking eyes that showed concern before it gently nuzzled its fluffy head against her thigh. Then without invitation the owl hopped onto her lap and pressed its body firmly into her chest just where her heart beat- hooting softly as the girl finally gave in and cuddled the avian back.

“Let it out, precious. Let it out.” The voice entered the woman’s mind as easily as a flowing river, but unlike most the female didn’t shun from it. Instead she answered back, though she did so aloud.

“I couldn’t save him,” came the whispered cry. “No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did. . . I just wasn’t strong enough to help him. . . And I couldn’t save myself either! . . . I can’t do it, Jareth . . . I just can’t do it anymore!”

The owl studied the girl’s face carefully, trying to understand the despair that she radiated. When the creature had seen her not a day prior she had been happy and busy writing her latest story . . . But now she was a distraught mess of snarly hair and red-rimmed eyes.

“Your friend’s decisions are not yours to control, pet. You mustn’t mourn over things that you have no say over. . . And you do have the strength to save yourself, otherwise we never would have met.”

“J-” she began to object, but he cut her off.

“If you didn't have the will to survive, Lyn you never would have wandered into the Underground asking for my help. If you didn’t have what it takes to be brave, the little girl who wished to be free would have faded away long before now. . .” The owl’s warm eyes sparkled with affection as it pressed its heart shaped head against the girl’s cheek comfortingly. “But I still see her when you smile. . . That little girl is trapped behind your tears, dear one. And your strength lies there, where you often seem to forget it.”

Lyn was silent for a long moment before she placed a kiss to the owl’s head and held him closer in a hug. Though he noted that she was careful not to crush him even as she continued to shed her tears.

“Will you stay with me, J?” Until I can find my strength? Her mind substituted wordlessly as her tears fell to land upon the avian’s perfect feathers.  

Though the owl only had a beak it was obvious he was smiling as he stretched his wings out to wrap around her neck.

“Don’t worry, precious. I’m not going anywhere. Not as long as you need me.”

“Promise?”

“Always, Lyn. Always. Now cry your tears dearest and let the emotion pass. . . Let it go. . .”

And the woman did as her friend bid her, as the moon rose in an indifferent autumn sky and her heart broke. Though she wasn’t alone anymore, the girl knew that it would take time for her to mend. . . Though the wait for brighter days wouldn’t be so bad as long as Jareth stayed by her side.